.
I have never mastered the clown's art
of turning my own misfortune
into comedy.
Perhaps laughter is the best defense
against the pain of shame.
The clown makes a trade.
Dressed in his traditional costume,
he behaves with all the foolishness
of a small child
pretending to be an adult.
Although people are laughing at him
(which is embarassing)
the laughter is under his control,
which makes him feel
powerful and proud
of himself
rather than helpless
and ashamed.
.
Most of us work hard to present ourselves to the world as competent and "cool." Any time people laugh at us, our self-esteem is reduced and we are embarassed. Any moment of embarassment is guarenteed to interrupt the flow of our day and reduce our ability to live comfortably among others, let alone feel comforable within ourselves.
.
The clown
gives up this very important piece of self-esteem
in order to gain
whatever sense of personal pride
that comes from his success
in getting us to laugh
at his command.
.
Often one finds amusing something involving somebody's embarrassment.
Examples may range
from pratfalls
or clear, obvious flashes of unexpected stupidity
to subtle comments or allusions
that make one think
of something stupid one has done once oneself
but
that one didn't know
anyone else had ever experienced.
.
Shame always seems to involve a more-or-less sudden decrease in self-esteem, a moment in which we are revealed as somewhat less than one wants to believe. In a situation where people are friendly to one another, such exposure is in an atmosphere of interpersonal safety. When one's frailties or foibles are exposed before those in whose presence one does not feel safe or loved, this mild, humorous embarrassment gives way to the deeper forms of shame like humiliation or mortification.
.
Comedy, however, rarely does more than hint at the darker side of shame; perhaps some of its success lies in the delicacy of its success lies in the delicacy with which it plays around the edges of what is hidden within each of us. We all live on some line between shame and pride. The word of comedy is to make this border a bit safer.
.
The comedian stands alongside us, pointing at others, exposing the falseness of their self-esteem and so allowing us the safety of laughing at them, while the clown focuses our attention on himself and asks us to laugh at him. The only remaining performers who make us laugh are the jesters, who (to the extent they are given permission) can expose our secrets and make us laugh at ourselves. They live at the greatest risk, for the slightest slip will move them past the boundary of "good taste" into a realm where they incur only wrath. In the medieval court, the jest alone could tell the truth about the king. Usually deformed and therefore already "defective" and shame-worthy creature, his humor came from this ability to expose and embarrass within strictly defined limits. There are a lot of jokes about jesters sentenced to death for "going too far."
.
Shame can power all forms of humor.
There is, of course,
more to humor than shame,
and
more to happiness
than liberation from shame.
Nevertheless,
few experiences in life are so pleasant
as the moment of release from shame
or
the realization that
our foibles
are accepted
with love.
.
Adapted from Donald L. Nathanson's
SHAME & PRIDE: AFFECT, SEX, & THE BIRTH OF THE SELF
(pp 16-17)
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